8 Things To Know Before Moving In With Bae
When is the right time to move in with your partner? There is no right answer! I thought I would be waiting until marriage for this one. In fact, living with someone was the last thing I wanted to do after roommate horror stories. However, AJ and I came to a point where we were both traveling for work 85% of the year and saw a big financial opportunity in cohabiting. I also happen to really dig him, so that was a plus too!
The fact of the matter is, you don’t owe anyone an explanation on living with your bae if you are an adult and paying your own bills. You do however need to understand the risks of shacking up together and sharing assets before being legally married. I can only share my experience thus far, but will definitely give you neutral insight!
Your Partner Is Not Psychic
When AJ and I moved in together, I had expectations for him I had never communicated. I assumed he knew what I wanted when I was pouting in the corner with my arms folded! Turns out he couldn’t read my mind when I wanted him to make the bed or other picky things I assumed everyone did. I realized these were expectations I grew up with, but he grew up totally different! It’s not fair to assume. Be direct, but be polite, and you can easily avoid problems.
2. Respect Is Mandatory
This is non-negotiable. If you and your partner don’t respect each other, throw out the whole idea of moving in together. I may not agree with everything AJ says or does, but I respect that his opinion and feelings are his truth. Real life example, I hate when he leaves his shoes on the floor. He could live happily ever after that way. However, my happily ever after does not include rolling my ankle on a size 12 shoe at 3AM when I need to take a leak. Jokes aside, he respects me enough to be mindful about this even if it’s not on his priority list.
3. You Will Argue
There is nothing wrong with arguing as long as you do it in a healthy, respectful way. If you can’t talk without yelling, come back later more level-headed. Life happens, work gets crazy, people hurt you and it’s easy to project that onto your partner. COMMUNICATE, SIS (refer to tip #1)! If I’m on edge, I say it. If my PMDD is out of control and I need to cry at puppy videos for 6 hours, I take that time. Being transparent allows my partner to show up for me when I need him the most. Don’t push away your teammate. Be thankful that you have someone in your corner during those hard times and lean on them.
4. Money Talk
My advice here is simple. Until you’re married, your money is YOUR money. No joint accounts until there’s a rock on that finger. That goes for other assets too. If you two were to break up, would you have everything you need to be okay on your own? If the answer is no, you must create a back up plan for yourself. This is coming from Bria, the girl who thinks with her heart and rarely her head. It’s okay to love someone, but love yourself first and make sure you can stand on your own if you had to.
5. He Will Leave The Seat Up
…and you will probably fall in. You’ve been warned.
6. You’ll Learn So Much About Each Other
Living with AJ has allowed me to learn about him on a deeper level. Some may disagree that premarital cohabitation is detrimental to a relationship, but my personal experience is that it’s been great. I’ve also heard stories of people realizing they weren’t compatible after living together and my opinion still stands that it’s better to realize it before the wedding.
7. Your Parents Might Be Pissed
If you have conservative parents, this may be tough. I would be prepared for any reaction and instead of arguing your point, respect their opinion. This was tough for me. My mom actually egged the idea on before I was even on board. My super conservative, religious Dad was another story. This was hard to bring up to him. Once I told him, I was shocked he didn’t make a big deal of it. I think he was actually relieved that someone was always looking out for me and that gave him a peace of mind as a Father.
8. It Can Be Wonderful
Communication, respect, and gratitude for your partner will make cohabitation a wonderful experience. We’ve both made changes for the better to make each other happy and our relationship stronger. At the end of a crazy day, I know I have AJ and Theodore waiting for me and that makes it all worth it. They make this house feel like a home and are my family away from family.